My Own Damn Blog

Welcome to my squeaky new blog. If you don't like what I'm saying, screw you and tell me why.

'Well, the time has come...' said the Walrus.

You will find no cabbages or Kings here, though. My name's Rez. This space will be filled; with ramblings, diatribes; sermons, muses, misplaced semi-colons, many, many grammatical errors, run on sentences and a general decapitating of Strunk & White. Speaking of...

Who the hell pumped out that illustrated Strunk and White piece of crap? An illustrated English textbook? Fucking brilliant. All those words were so distracting. Maybe the next over-priced edition will have giant Centerfold of the word "Sucker". In Goudy Stout font.

Oh, and if you don't know what Strunk and White is, you best keep walkin' Pablo.

Did I mention tangents in that list? Tangitizing will be common here, at least until I can find someone who disagrees with me and wants to qwerty battle. Stop the insanity people; I want arguments! Here's a tasting menu of my principles that you can yell at me about:

1) Fun fun fun. Life is all about the fun. If it's not fun, I ain't doing it. Unless a fleshy wombat is involved.

2) "Fun" is a noun, an adjective, and strange sounding. Overcooked and underfun? Attila the Fun? (Again, the tangent thing...)

3) We need more pollution. I can still see that bright, glowy thing in the sky. Where's 500,000 burning tractor tires when you want them?

4) Bush is a stand-up guy. I like him. He can fuck my fiance anytime.

5) Anyone who thinks racking up 145,377 kills online in Halo 3 is a waste of time has never wanted to shoot teenagers in the face with a rocket launcher.

6) Trying is for suckers/Failing is forever.

7) Punching kittens is a gas.


Specific targets you can nail me on.


1) The Daily Show sucks warty ass.

2) I love reading...about books on fire.

3) I'm a filthy, filthy Jew. Christians, hide yer babies 'cause it's dinnertime and I'm bringin' the BBQ sauce.

4) I'm incredibly self-absorbed. I actually absorbed my own ears just last week.

5) I have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.

(Alright, I stole that last one. I'd apologize to Mr. Robert Bloch, but I think he's dead now and therefore not real.)

6) Oh yeah, and I'm a bit of a petty shoplifter. Power issues, not that you'd figure that out, LOSER!

My ego is god-like and needs sustenance. Tell me what you think. Unless you're a teenager.

Then you better start runnin' Pablo 'cause these rockets are pretty damn fast.